Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.

1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her

that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE.

4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD… He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman..

Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest..

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them..

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life..

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life.

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth.

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together..

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead.

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river..

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY.

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature..

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early.

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later.

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

But when a boy cries ———- They say Come on man don’t be A “Girl”

If A Girl slaps a Boy ———– Definitely the Boy would have “done something”

If Boy Slaps a girl ————– Rascal doesn’t know how to “Respect Ladies”

If a Girl is talking to Boys —– She is “Very Friendly”

If a Boy talks to a Girl ———- He is “flirting”

If a Girl meets with accident ——————– Then its “mistake of others”

If a Boy meets with same accident ———–?- –?—— “Don’t you know how to Drive”

What A World Is this……

මිටි තැන් දැක පුප්පන්නෙ

නිවටුන් බව සිතමින්නෙ

මගෙ පුතා ලොකු වෙන්නෙ

ටිබෙට් ජාතික එස් මහින්ද හිමි.

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo

(Ref. to an email)

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever:

Is a woman’s way of saying F–YOU!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

(Referenced  An E mail)

මං දැං ආපහු බලාපොරොත්තුවක් ගැන අලුත්,නැවුම්  හීන දකිනවා. මේ අද ඉන්න හිතේ සතුට කව්රැ හරි හොරෙන් ගෙනියයිද මං දන්නේ නෑ. ඒක එහෙම වෙන්න එපා කියලා මං පලවෙනි වතාවට ජීවිතේටම ප්‍රාර්ථනා කරනවා.

පහුගිය ටිකේ අම්පාරේ මගේ හොදම යාළුවගේ සහෝදරයාගේ විවාහය සිද්ද උනා. කොලේජ් එකේ ඉන්නකොට තිබුන බැදීමක්. දැං එකම යාවවා එයා.එතනදී මුන ගැහුන අංකල් කෙනෙක් කතා කරකර ඉන්න ගමන් කවියක් කිව්වා.

අහසක් උසට ගිනි කද ජීවනයේ                           ගහේ
දහසක් පැතුම් තිබුනත් මොහොතකදී                නැහේ
රහසක් කියන්නම් නොකියා බැරිම                      පහේ
මොහොතක් උවත් ඔබ නොදැකලා සිටිය      නොහේ

වෙනස් වෙන්නේ චරිත සහ කාලය විතරයි කියලා තමයි හිතෙන්නේ. සිද්ධි හැම එකම එක වගේ. ඉතිං ආපහු ලොකු ගමනක් යන්න අදින් පටන් ගන්න වෙනවා. කැමැත්තෙන්ම පටන් ගන්න මං ආසයි.

පාසල හා එහි කටයුතු මට මාගේ ආත්මය වැනි බව ඔබ දන්නවා ඇතැයි සිතමි.මට ඔබද එසේ වනවා දැකීමේ දැඩි ආශාවක් ඇත.මා දකිනා දර්ශීය ශිෂ්‍යකු ඇත.ඔබ සියලු දෙනාම එසේ වනවා දැකීම මාගේ එකම පැතුමයි.එම පැතුම වෙනුවෙන් දවසට පැය අටක් වන රාජකාරී ක්‍රමයෙන් මිදී දවස පුරාම පාසලේරැ‍ඳී ඉමි.ඔබට අවශ්‍ය තැනදී මගෙන් වියයුතු සියලු යුතුකම් ඉටුකර ඇත්තෙමි.ඒ ගැන ගැටළු ඇති බවක් මා නොසිතමි.නමුත් පාසලට එබෙන් ඉටුවිය යුතු යුතුකම් ඔබ පැහැර හැරි මුල් මෙහොතේම ඔබ ගැන මා දරන මතය වෙනස් වනු ඇත.එය ඔබ සියලු දෙනාටම පොදුවේ.

පාසලකින් ඔබ ඉගෙන ගන්නේ පොත පත පමණක් නොවේ.නීතිගරැක වීම,සහයෝගයෙන් වැඩකිරීම,අන් අයට උපකාර කිරීම ඔබ ඉගෙන ගන්නා දෙයින් කිහිපයක් පමණි.මේ හැම දේටම වඩා වගකීමක් දැරීමට ඔබ ඉගෙන ගන්නේ පාසලෙන්ම බව උදක්ම කියමි.මේ දෙව්ල් බොහොදුරට නොදැනුවත්වම ඉගෙන ගන්නා දේ බව මා සිතමි.ඉතිං පාසල් ගොස් වැඩක් නෑ කියන්නේ කුමන පදනමකින්ද???මෙහි ඔබට තොවිල් නැටීමට හෝ ඔබ කැමති ආකාරයට හැසිරීමට ඉඩක් නැත.ඒ‍‍‍ සඳහා ඔබ කැමති ටියුෂන් කඩයක් තෝරා ගැනීම වඩාත් සුදුසු වන්නේ තවමත් කොන්දක් ඇති ගුරුවරු ඉන්නා බැවිනි.

ඉතිං කැමති අය එන්න.ඇවිත් උපරිමයෙන් ගැනීමට ඇති දැනුම ගන්න.ප්‍රශ්න ගේට්ටුවෙන් එලියේම තබා එන්න.ඉගෙන ගන්න ඉගෙන ගන්න.ගූගල් හා උපරිමයෙන් වැඩ කරන්න.මට මගේ සිහිනය දකින්නට ඉඩදෙන්න.ඔබට මට කෘතගුණ දැක්වියහැකි එකම ක්‍රමය ළමයකු වී මෙහි සිටීමයි.අමතක වේ නම් ලියාතියා ගන්න.